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Thomas Dickson

Thomas and Spike II. True love!

Thomas and Spike II. True love!

Thomas passed away on my lap this morning. It was a peaceful dignified death…one we can all aspire to.  To be held safely by a loved one while our pain and suffering quietly and painlessly slips away.

We adopted Thomas about a year after Toby came home.  Toby and I went to the breeder’s house and chose one of the cute blond goldens and took him outside to play.  All was good.  Toby seemed to like him and we all loaded into the Duck and headed home.  I thought it best to have his new “brother” be in on the adoption process.

About two minutes into the ride with puppy and year-old Toby in the back, Toby realized this was for the long haul and got pissed.  He snapped at Thomas and a horrible squeal emanated from the little guy.  I had to pull over and bring  him up front with me..dripping with Toby spittle.  We all calmed down and headed home.  I watched over the two for the rest of the day and then Toby did it again.  Just jumped all over the baby. Poor little Thomas ran up my legs and jumped into my arms. I held him like a baby until he fell asleep.  It took a couple of days for Toby’s alpha shit to settle down and they soon became fast friends.

However, Toby’s dominance did not last long.  Within six months it was clear Thomas was the boss. With his sad eyes, pink nose…he could be quite the hard headed bossy guy.

Thomas was a favorite of all the cats.  I think because he was little like them.

He absolutely loved cats.  When I brought Spike II home, he was only about a month old and weighed less than a pound.  Thomas took over the mommy duties and washed his little butt and made him potty.  Thomas made sure he had a daily bath and Spike was the only cat allowed to sleep on his mat.  He would curl up in Thomas’ tail or between his giant paws and sleep for hours.  Thomas would sit and snuggle with him.  When four year old Spike was hit and killed by a car…Thomas gave him a bath before we buried him.

Thomas was great with humans of all ages.  He would come up to folks at the dog park from behind and stick his head between their legs.  So, I would always then introduce Thomas since we was getting so familiar.

However, he could be a real asshole when it came to other dogs. And the worst part was you NEVER knew when he was going to go off. He never gave a warning growl and he never broke the skin.  He just liked putting other dogs…large or small in their place.  Our dog park days were over.  His nickname became Asshole.

Other than that, he was a fun guy who liked getting his own way.  He had more of a aloof cat personality than a needy dog.  He loved showing off his toys and when someone came in the house. He would run to his toy box and grab one and stick it in your face.  Toby was no longer allowed to have, hold or play with toys.  They were taken from him by Asshole when he tried.

I will say he did enjoy the months he was the only dog around here.

Thomas was old, stiff, not too sure on his feet  and suffering from cancer. The time came to say goodbye.   Again, our lovely vet made a home visit and he peacefully slipped away with his head in my lap and Lonnie and I caressing his ears…he loved that.

I saw this on Facebook last week and thought it was really nice and reflects how I feel:

Dogs come into our lives to teach us about love, they depart to teach us about loss. A new dog never replaces an old dog; it merely expands the heart. If you have loved many dogs your heart is very big.

God, my heart is big and today very lonely and sad.

I used to joke.  Thomas and Toby they are TnT together.  No one seemed to get it.  Dynamite!  Get it??

Anyway no exploding of fun, barking, tags shaking, bells ringing or clickity clack of toenails here…it is so damn quiet.

They are up in Heaven now with all my other loves. What a great place to play.

I Am Full

The day after Christmas and I was still full of Christmas. Full of love, fun, family, cheer and food. And many goodies still hanging around. Low carb/sugar be damned…I continued to indulge on pie, candy, and all the good stuff from Christmas dinner. Thank God I threw those smashed white potatoes away!

So full – I thought barfing might be a good possibility. Oh well…went to bed and fell asleep pretty fast. However, I had a really bothersome dream.

In it I was in a hotel trying to pack my bag to catch my flight home. I could not find my plane ticket information. And it seemed I could not pack my bags which kept multiplying.  I was feeling very frustrated…since I would finally get the bag full and then another bag and more clothes would appear.  It was crazy.  Then I noticed in the back of the room my mother sitting there.  She kept whispering to me how much she hated me and was disappointed in me. The more I packed the louder she got.  I was just going wild trying to get out of that room, find my ticket and away from her negative destructive droning.

I awoke with a jolt and sat up. Freaked out, I just sat in bed and tried my relaxation breathing…however the sad/bad/frustrated feeling held on for hours and I was afraid to close my eyes or a nap or later that night.

So, there is this cool website with definitions on dreams.  Here is what it said:

  • To dream that you lose a ticket denotes confusion and ambiguity in the direction of your life.
  • To dream that you are packing, but the more your pack, the more there is to pack implies that you are weighed down by the endless responsibilities and expectations in your life. As a result, you are stuck in your current circumstances.
  • There was no interpretations on a mother that says she hates you.

Wow, what an eye opener for me.  Am I really weighed down by responsibilities and expectations and full of confusion and ambiguity on what to do about them???  When I put some serious thought about it the answer is – yes.

Yes, we have a lot going on at this point in our lives…being a sandwich couple with generations on both sides of us.  We are trying to sell our rental home and getting ready for a vacation.  The holidays were here and although we don’t do much in the way of shopping…we donate to charities and give to college funds…it is still a bit of a hustle and bustle with meals and visiting.  It was very fun.

Add that to my two jobs, my art, yoga, my mom and Thomas being sick…yes I have a lot on my plate.

The confusion in my dream got me thinking about making things more simple around here. I am researching and moving toward starting to follow a minimalist lifestyle.  Now, I know you all are saying how can someone with 1,000 plus rubber ducks be a minimalist??  Well, I think I can.

I started already by going through the ironing basket.  OMG…there were shirts at the bottom from five years ago. Starting with a big black garbage bag and a strong intention, I took a bunch of good clothes from my closet to the thrift store.  Shoes too!

It felt great.  Frankly I can’t remember what I took.  I don’t miss anything.

Then I started on my filing cabinet for work and my personal files.  I took two cases of papers to the shredder guy.

Again, what a relief!

So, I have been pondering the possibility not buying new clothes for a year.  Nothing new in the door and working on purging my closet, drawers, and boxes under the bed! The idea of no new purchases came to me after my last trip to Arizona. I bought a bunch of clothes on a whim and after hauling them home…ended up returning the lot to the various national chains!

Lonnie and I were at a friend’s house for dinner the other night and I mentioned it.  It was the first he had heard about my plan. He threw the gauntlet down hard.  He came right out and said I couldn’t do it.  Oh my…what a challenge.

I really like to shop. It is retail therapy.  I love the hunt for bargains and just getting out of the house for an hour or two.

I will let you know how it goes.

Happy New Year!